Taxi Taxi Taxiiiinngggg!!!

Last couple of days there has been this huge article on the local newspapers about Pvt. Taxi's Vs. Black and Yellow Taxi and the poor customer. The new swanky airports of Mumbai have been built with state of the art definitions. Earlier when you landed, you could walk up towards the exit and get your self a nice ride home in a Pvt. taxi. All air conditioned, clean and safe. Fares are also reasonable. Now you have our infamous taxi union fighting and forcing the passengers to ride the dirty old filthy cabs. Risking their lives as your not sure when it is going to fall apart either. Stinky ( La Par fume irresistible and Stinky)from the seat covers and many a times drivers. The car whose design probably was one of the best when my Grand Dad decided to sell off his Ford T model for a better powerful vehicle with a top speed of 60kmph (when you hear the engine you feel sad for the vehicle). The sound reminds you of this old rick cart puller groaning and moaning and cursing you.

Question? Customers are God? True or False?

I remember when I made my first trip to London many a moons back, I was told use the Black Cabs they are efficient, clean and wont cheat. And yep they were exactly as it was mentioned. And then my good friend who is a Britisher was going to Mumbai and I heard the reverse being told, do not take the black and yellow cabs, they are old, inefficient and crooks!!

So now like they say you wanna hail a cabbie in New York, whistle Taxi!!! or When your in Mumbai airport it is Taxing!!

Who said beggars can't be choosers?? Try it with these boys who say they have no business - Bhaiyya Andheri - N0, bhaiyya town - No, Bhaiyya - Airport - No

Maybe we should try Bhaiyya Dubai? He might say Yes!! but 500 rupees extra lagega :D

Hello! You are not Transparent?

I am a strong believer that a good movie has to be viewed in a Cinema Theater. I have viewed movies from the days of theaters with no 70mm screens to the era of 70mm screens in India. In Mumbai,in the early 80's and way before the Mall culture and Multiplexes arrived, watching an English movie meant, a long train ride all the way to town on a Saturday or Sunday with friends. Regal, New Empire, Eros few to name where the good old days of 70mm. Funny enough those days, folks arrived on time and watched the movie with all the comments and counter comments many a times heard in the auditorium.

Bang we arrive to the culture of multiplex screens. We start with the National Anthem being played in theaters in Mumbai ( not so sure about other states). Pretty impressive I must say. We settle down in the seats, pop-corn, coke and the ammo all ready for the movie to go. And deep inside your head you hear the famous Thunderbird's Go!!! And movie starts and hey!!!!!!!!!!!!! people walking in late searching for seats and Hello!! I came to see the movie and not your cellulite's!!

This goes on for about 15mins and Interval. Ok ready for second phase and hey!!! more cellulite's!! Now I don't pay 180 Indian Hard earned Rupees to see some dark shapes of cellulite's ! And more so these so called hep,thickly fake accented people, who probably have emptied their cologne and perfume bottles on themselves lack manners as to others can't see the movie. And if you say "Excuse me Please, you are blocking my view" you get this comment, He/She is so rude, uncultured, bla bla...

I like the 70mm days when you could say "Hai Cheerkot Baju haat hawa aane de"

I want my 70mm days back!

Journey from 150Kmph - 120Kmph

Nearly a decade back when India was still yet to understand the miracle called "Cable TV" and when DD was king, a very famous cricket serial used to be telecast'ed. BodyLine that was the name. The infamous bowling tactics used by the English to decimate the Aussie batting attack. Spearheaded by the fierce and fast English bowler Harold Larwood, that was fast bowling at its best.

Zoom into the 70's and you have the most fearsome team of all times. The mighty West Indies and their Caribbean Chin Music. Legends of their times and even today the most feared by any batsmen in the world - Andy Roberts, Joel "Big Bird" Garner. Michael "Whispering Death" Holding, Malcolm Marshal, Wesley Hall and you have bowlers bowling well over 150kmph mark.

Fast word to the early 80's and some more chin music - Courtney Walsh, Curtly Ambrose, Imran Khan, Richard Hadley and our very own Haryanvi Hurricane Kapil Nikhanj Dev. Mid - Late 80's saw the arrival of two young Pakistani's who will be crowned later as the "Sultans of Swing" Wasim Akram and Waqar Younis.

Moving through time and we meet few more masters of chin music - Glenn McGrath, Alan "White Lightning" Donald, Shoaib "Rawalpindi Express" Akthar and Brett Lee. The last two clocking nearly 100mph pure tearaway bowlers and batsmen nightmare.

Here is were we come to a screeching halt. Did you see any Indian bowlers?? Well the answer is well Yes! in glimpses. Javagal "Mysore Express" Srinath probably only genuine fast bowler after Kapil Dev.

It has been noticed in India that owing to lack of so called bowling coaches, our young lads come out from MRF Pace Academy at tear away speeds and end up clocking nearly 148kmph and then one season of National cricket and they are in the 120kmph. Latest victim of this is Ishant Sharma. From SSC grounds in Australia bowling at 150 kmph and striking fear and India's answer to a tearaway bowler he is now 140kmph bowler. Food for thought, Munaf Patel again a tearaway now a 128kmph bowler, Sreesanth minus is eccentric behavior on and off field he has lost it completely. Who is at fault? I got my answer last night- Zoom back into the support staff and you see two old warhorses. Robin Singh and Venky Prasad. If Venky is going to coach our bowlers for chin music then we need to think again - Hello! wake up he used to not bowl more than 78kmph at full throttle. So are we servicing our sports cars at a Maruti centre???

Wake up Selectors before we wait for another decade to get a tearaway who will end up as slow as our boys in the streets.

The King of Pop

"Death, so called, is a thing which makes men weep, And yet a third of life is pass'd in sleep" - Lord Byron

This morning my brother who works in Dubai called me up and said MJ is Dead! For a few seconds it never occurred to me that MJ is Michael Jackson the Moon Walker.

I still remember way back in the 80's I got my first MJ album gifted by my cousin. A purple Sony audio Cassette with "Thriller" written on it.It was actually during the same time I watched the "Thrilled" on a VHS player in my friends house.I was so stunned by his dance moves that like any other youngster in the 80's I was dumb Struck.

Moon walker is when I was totally blown away with his gravity defining moves. Something I used to wonder how he did it.

My last encounter with MJ was "Dangerous" and his tour to Mumbai. A lot of law suits thrown on him, lot of controversies on his image, his plastic surgery etc. But his eccentric behavior and combine that with his dancing moves - people get their money's worth from probably one of the equivalent to the real "King Elvis".

It would not be appropriate to say The King has left the room, but rather say The Moon Walker has just walked by!

Colored Shakespeare!

Australia, has stunned the world with their assault on students of colored origin. One lad battling for his life for a crime he has not committed. Simply being of Indian origin, colored and paying his own fees to study in Australia. The world condemns racism and should look into this matter seriously. I was wondering if the same thing would have happened to an Australian in India, the Australian media would have got into a frenzy and banned all sports team to start off with by canceling events in India. Secondly, the political authority would put up a mask and say "The world should take notice of this..." So let me ask a question through this to the Aussie PM - Hey Prime Minister, when you do you plan to clean your own house of filth?

What is wrong being born an Indian, African,Iranian, Iraqi, Egyptian and the list of color can go on.. Color is beautiful, color is life hence, I can't resist but put up this poem by the Colored Shakespeare -
Dear white fella,
Couple things you should know:

When I was born, I black
When I grow up, I black,
When I go in sun, I black
When I cold, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black,
And when I die, I still black.

You, white fella,
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you grey.


And you have the nerve to call me colored?

I pray for the lad who is a child of a grieved parent that he comes out of his mess and returns home. And may the parents of the lads bring justice by surrendering their own children to the police who did this and set an example. Maybe then my view point towards the Australian's will change.

Health is Wealth & Wealth is not Health!

Last year sometime in early March the Fitness bug bit into me. While I was strolling along Mega Mall, Jogeshwari (West), near Oshiwara, I saw a very familiar sign post Fitness First. Probably, the last time I saw it was in 2005 in London where I used to workout in this very same gym Fitness First.

I tug my wife along and we enrolled into the gym as the first 200 members who are in the premium category. With a monthly fee of nearly 4k I hit the gym hard. So impressed was I that I decided to get my mates along and even family to join the gym. Now while joining the gym I did sign a contract for 18 months. The contract was not on a stamp paper and hence I decided to go ahead with it.

Now almost a year later, for the last 6 months owing to work pressure and recession forcing me to provide 4 times my output to ensure I get paid took its toll on my Health. No gyming or at least the first 3 months was special appearances in the gym. So I spoke to the manager requesting him to convert my remaining months to personal training so I could finish the 18months in under two months by paying the remaining fee. A 'Win -Win' situation. He refused and decided to tell me freeze your membership (Which meant don't pay me the fee just pay INR 250 and start paying when you hit back and also see if you can actually make it). Very impressed I was and gave it a shot and the 3 months I did my fab appearances once every week.

6 months gone and no more even "Rare Appearances" I decided to end the membership. I stop payment my cheques and mailed a letter saying "Hello , I am canceling my membership for the XYZ reasons"

Viola! I start getting calls telling me no you can't and the only way you can do is either saying your unfit or by saying you are relocating. For both which you need to provide a letter from your doctor or company.

Also, you need to owe the gym 4months fee if you want to quit! Now hang on a second, all of a sudden Health is not Wealth to me and Wealth definitely is not Health to me.

After a telephonic argument with the gym admin, I was forced to say your tiny contract would be thrown out of a court of law if taken as it is not valid, it is one sided and above all "I AM A CONSUMER".

So there stands, my battle with my gym. Having said this I am re-thinking if I just buy equipment and workout at home or do the good old morning walk.

Renting a House or Visa to the U.S.!

For the last month or so, my family has been house hunting in the suburbs of Mumbai. After harassing the real estate agent for showing over 20+ houses in the same way as a lady would harass a garment sales man by making him pull down material, we finally found our dream rental house. A 25 storied building, bang in the middle of plush Lokhandwala Complex, Andher (West), basement car part, 7th floor and a view which is of not much use unless it is facing the beach or hills. The name "Blue Mountain". Yes!we are ready to move.

The procedure starts of with the real estate agent taking his vengeance on us for making him slog his ass out in the heat. He negotiates hard for the rent and agrees finally for a price. One down brokerage to go! Negotiates hard on the same and agrees for one month brokerage. Now the bio data. My father who is now around his 60+ is asked to create a bio-data along with photos of himself, his wife, his son, his daughter - in - law attached. (Was wondering what about thumb prints, retina test, DnA)

Then the society decides to check all documents ( Here we are taking deep breaths) Oh NO!!! The fools in the Income Tax had wrongly printed my fathers year of birth. Forms sent back, and a copy of the passport is sent. Once again hushed silence for a day, Hang on says a society member what if this passport is forged??? (Yes! What if we are AL-Qaeda, Lashkar, even better LTTE as we are southern Indians) for god's sake that is an Indian document with valid visa's in it !! No so poor dad gets his 1950's or so SSC marksheet which has the same year in his DOB! Ok so confirmed we are ordinary folks.

Now the interview we are supposed to meet the syndicate or mafia called Society committee and be in our best so they can say yes you can join us. There on time and society goons say "Sorry no time for you today, we are sorting our issues". A week goes by once again interview time, on time again and the result is - "Sorry two goons are on leave"!

A month is almost over with this act and I am sure I would have got a 10 year multiple entry visa to the U.S.

So my idea is Folks apply for U.S. visa life is better there ! I hope this Sunday I finally get my visa to the flat :D